Father's Day

Lets see... This year for Father's Day I was a little puzzled as to what to do for my Dad. There are just three gifts I have given my dad through the years. The ones he liked anyway. I learned not to branch out with him. He loves fresh apricots, apricot jam and apricot pie. That's it. No point trying to get creative. He will thank you politely and never use whatever else you got. Lucky for me we have a apricot tree and his birthday and father's day happen to fall during the same time the apricots do.

My mom has always "covered my dads butt" as I say because she was our go between for most of my life. I guess I never realized it until this past few years but part of the reason my dad and I haven't spent much time together one on one or really connected is because she was always there with us. I am fine that she was in some aspects but, it pretty much made it so we have little relationship at all. Because of this I now realize I do the same thing for Jeff and our kids so I am stepping back a little at a time so they can nurture their own relationship and not be where I am now.

My dad is the one of hardest working men I know. (the other is Jeff). I guess I did marry someone a lot like my dad as they say some do. Dad is almost 80. I never in my whole life remember him sitting around doing nothing. He is not he type at all. He worked hard EVERY day and then came home and worked some more. He has zero tolerance for anyone who doesn't believe in hard work. His work ethic is strong. You don't just do a job. You do it right or you work on it until it is right.

 He is a very talented sculptor and very artistic. As kids we knew if he wasn't working at his job he was working on something else.  I remember watching him outside in the garage taking a piece of stone and turning it to some kind of cool piece. Sadly, he is also very generous and gave a lot of them away. I am not sure, but I am hoping there are enough left that each of us kids get one to treasure. He is also very talented with wood carving and made this awesome coffee table that we all want "someday" Besides building our cabin from the ground up , he put in a beautiful fireplace, hearth and stone wall and made a very cool long table and benches for the cabin..

He LOVES "his cows" He has always loved cattle and ranching. His family had a dairy farm when he was young and he just has a passion for them. We always joke that he loves his cows more than any of us. Anytime he is not around for something or I would call my mom to see what they were doing, she would say your dad's out "chasing cows." Before he retired it was a hobby. After he sold the business to my brother he started ranching full time. When it was a hobby each cow was named. I am not to sure they all had their own name because he called most of them by the same name. "Sister May"

My brother Mike has always help him. First at the business and at the quarries getting stone. And now ranching. They spend a lot of time together. Mike never married so he has always helped him. My other brother Mitch bought the business and always helps him too. Both the boys have a good relationship with him. Mitch has a family and is active in our church so his time is more limited, but he has worked hard to keep that bond.  Kristi my sister and I have never really had that chance I guess I would say. Or maybe it's our fault we didn't try hard enough. My dad is a dedicated hunter as well, so as kids we would camp and hunt a fish with them but as we got older we bowed out gracefully and turned all that over to all the guys. So basically if you didn't talk about cows or hunting or buying and sell and renting different ranges to run the cows on , we had a limited amount of things to say to each other.

 My mom kept him informed of all the family stuff. She made the effort to support her kids and grandkids especially in church stuff, since he is not a member of our church. And she made excuses for him or "covered his butt" when he didn't come to birthdays etc. When anyone asked where he was, we would all say he is "out chasing cows". Because that's the way it's always been, I guess I just accepted it. Kristi and I have talked about it a million times. Our husbands and sons have the same interests as him as well so, they carry on the conversations and keep the connections for us. If you ask anyone that knows dad they will tell you he is kindest most generous, hard working man they know. Everyone loves him. When he goes for coffee every morning when he is in town they all yell "Ric" when he walks in. Just like the "Cheers" show. They know what he going to order and they all sit around and B.S. about (you guessed it) "chasing cows" or hunting. He has always been more than generous with us, more than my mom so we did see that side of him as well.

The one thing he always took care of besides those things was my Mom. Mom had serious health problems for 20 years. Diabetes , neuropathy that took her mobility years ago and it took most of her eyesight. She was on dialysis for 11 years 3 times a week for 4 hours. We all helped to a certain extent but he was her main care provider the whole time. Yes he took breaks to "chase his cows" but as time went on , I went from being a little put out by that, to realizing that he needed a break now and then for himself. He did a lot of things in her care I could never do. He was by her side for a million hospital stays and Dr. trips. He finally learned to grocery shop and do laundry when he had no choice, and for the most part when we offered to help what little we could he would say he could do it.

At the end when she fell and we knew there were no options for her recovery and care, he had been taking care of her on his own in a loving and devoted way for years. I remember one day after one of her surgeries, he was helping her get dressed. She had to wear these huge boots to protect her horrible misshaped feet. He was down on his knees putting them on for her. This is something he had done daily for years and it's not easy. I looked at him helping her and choked up thinking of the Savior washing his disciples feet. I think I will always remember that moment as being the most tender moment between them. My mom died on November 20th of 2012 in the Cedar City Hospital. Those last few days were the first time I have ever seen him cry. He tried to maintain himself many times and hide it, but we did see and it was super hard. He is not a hugger or a kisser so it was pretty awkward. I tried hugging him in those hard days more than once he did the best he could. The only other times I have seen him cry was at her funeral and the cemetery, the day we buried her and then again when we went there the day before Mother's day. He is a tough old cowboy with a tender heart. A tender heart he does his best to hide from all of us.

So here it was Fathers day was coming. I started trying to get ahold of him the week before. Now that my mom is gone he rarely goes home. He stays at the cabin and returns home maybe once a week sometimes less. He spends a night, does his laundry, pays some bills and goes to the coffee shop and sees his friends and then he is gone. Sometimes I can reach him, but he doesn't always have service. I tried to get him to commit to being home that week for one day so I could take him to lunch. That would also be a first. Him and I going to lunch together and really just us having to converse with out my mom or someone else there. Even before when I called home, we would exchange the basic "hi how are you?" "How's the kids?" Maybe cover the weather then he would say 'I'll get your mom". Finally I got him to half commit to lunch he told me to call him before I left town and make sure he was still in around. When I called he agreed to meet me at Chili's. I almost called Mitch and asked him to join us. I figured he would tell me no that I needed to do this myself so I didn't bother.

I waited a long time for him. Knowing he is always late It didn't bug me to wait. I tried to think of things to say or conversation starters for when things got silent. When he pulled up I must admit I was nervous. Once he got to the door and opened it for me things just fell into place. We talked and laughed and caught each other up on things and had a good lunch. I was happily surprised to later to remember some of the things I had thought of to say we hadn't even talked about. I must say I said a little prayer of thanks on the way to his house. I had only been to my parents 2 times since my mom died. He is never there so when I have seen him it has been other places. It's weird to be there anyway and so we visited a little more and then he gave me a few things to take home. It was an odd assortment of things. I guess he is slowly trying to sort through some stuff without getting in to deep to anything sentimental. When I left I felt this amazing sense of peace and accomplishment. I think that we talked more that day than all the days total in my life. We had sat together at one hospital or another many times but, never talked like that before. For once I felt like I gave him something good for Father's day but in the end I knew the gift was just as much for me as him.

This is one of the few pictures I have of my dad. I think the last picture I have of us together was at a Daddy Daughter date when I was around 10.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with a dear friend. We had tried to get together forever and both of us needed a good chat and a good cry. After that we went to dinner. I drove home feeling happy for the first time in several months. It was a good day.

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Facing Father's day for Kaden was another story. I was worried about him because with each holiday without Michon there is a lot of hurt, memories and what if's. I knew I wanted to do something for him from Karver. I also knew Michon's family would all do something too. It's hard to decide what would be a good gift for him without being a painful gift. I had taken a picture of he and Karver on the horse when we had gone camping. I think I already posted it. I loved it because even though it's not a "picture perfect picture" It is a tender photo of Kaden getting Karver in a safety harness they rigged up so he would be attached to Kaden if something went wrong. Michon would have been a nervous wreck for Kaden taking him riding. I think he knew that too. I think she probably loves that he is doing something fun and  different with him though. I found a cute barn wood looking frame that was perfect and Karver and I wrapped it up and made a little card. I left it for him at his house a few days before father's day because he had never spent a  holiday with us since Christmas. I tried to plan something for Saturday but it didn't work out. I invited the kids over and when he didn't respond I figured he went with Casey to Strattons. I was getting dinner on the table a little earlier than planned because Jamie was coming for dessert not dinner when Kaden called. He asked when we were eating and then came over a few minutes later. NOTHING could have made the day, week or even month better than the fact he came to eat with us. It was awesome to have them there. When Jamies family came later we had ice cream and the boys got to play together and the day was pretty much perfect in my book. Then next day I went over to tend and he hadn't opened his present. There was another one there too. When he came home I asked him if he wanted to open it or if it made him feel bad. Karver took him the present to open. After he unwrapped it, I told him I thought they needed a picture of the two if them around there. He seemed to like it but, I also think it made him a little emotional. I am hopeful that in small steps we can get through all this sadness and someday I will see him and we can talk and it will not feel sad or awkward. That's all I can hope for , for now and having these few good days and a nice day with Jeff made it for sure the best father's day ever!

 This is the photo I loved and framed for Kaden and Karver.
 

Karver was excited to give him his gift and watch.